Tonight on my way home from work, I just burst into tears and I don't know why. Okay, well there are a few reasons why, but I won't disclose them..at least not tonight.
I pulled into my driveway and just sat there in the dark and sobbed for about 10 minutes, before wiping up my swollen eyes and runny nose, and heading into the house as if nothing happened.
My parents didn't even realize I was out there, and they certainly didn't know I was crying. I went right up to my room and yes, cried a little more. They have no clue.
Tonight at work, Mark is the only person who asked if something was wrong. Now either he cares enough to even ask, or he knows me well enough to know that something was wrong. But of course, when he said "Katie, are you okay?" and I just blurted out like I always do, "Yea..I'm just tired.." Perfect excuse right? I really don't think he bought it, but I think he knew enough to let it go right there.
I've never been good with my emotions. I'm the type of person that doesn't show emotions well. Unless I'm balling to your face, you probably won't ever realize that I'm hurting inside.
Instead of crying, I laugh. Instead of frowning, I smile. Instead of being angry, I appear happy.
I just don't know anymore.
Maybe it's the pressure of graduation. Maybe it's all these college applications I have yet to fill out. Maybe it's the stress of homework. Maybe it's an early case of senioritis. Or maybe it's just the fact that I'm growing up, like it or not. And I don't think I'm ready. There are so many times I'd rather be safe in the arms of my parents, instead of pushed out into the reality of the world.
We can't stop time. Only make the best of it.
